More and more people are asking themselves questions like:
- “What workout will change my body the fastest?”
- “What can I do to gain more muscle? Lose fat?”
- “Should I get Botox?”
- “What is the best way to whiten my teeth?”
- “What products will help me look younger and feel better?”
Many of us ask these questions and then answer ourselves with this:
“I just want to look like myself, like I have looked all of my life”……in other words we don’t want to age or change. But how does this quest to alter our physical appearance in any way we can, healthy or not, relate to our mental health, our sense of self acceptance, confidence and overall happiness?
There are so many fitness products, diets, supplements, plastic surgery procedures and less “major” forms of body altering procedures such as injecting Botox (a poison) into our body’s that have become an American obsession. In many cases we don’t care what it costs or what we have to do or what the doctor injects into us, as long as we get the result we are looking for – altering our physical appearance in some way.
So the obvious question is: WHY? - “Why are we so focused on changing ourselves in so many dramatic ways?”
- “What is the goal?”
- "To like ourselves better?"
- "To have the admiration of others?"
- "To look like the bodies we most admire in others? "
Answering these questions can give us clarity. All of these “things” we do from working out to going under the knife may seem innocent, but they do play on our emotional well being and overall sense of self. Look at Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson, and I am sure you have met an exercise addict or 2 in your life – perhaps even an anorexic.
Let’s say the goal is to like “you” better. Statistics show that people who want to make physical changes based on this motivator are often left less than satisfied .They had hoped they’d like themselves more with the changed appearance but discovered that changing the outside doesn’t necessarily change how they feel inside.
Consider these questions:
“If the goal is to like ourselves more, are there better ways to do it than altering our appearance? Is self-esteem really based on physical appearance?” If this were true, the most beautiful people would be the happiest people (and we know this is not true).
“Would working on raising our self-esteem be a better investment in time and money than a few thousand bucks for a “fresher” face or a personal trainer?”- “Would we be more likely to have the admiration of others if we were the type of person people liked, felt comfortable with and could emotionally connect with rather than look at?”
- “Why do so many of us feel so desperate to change our image?”
- “ Why do we allow the media to make us feel bad about our bodies”? If we are unhealthy, ill or vulnerable to disease, that’s one thing. But if we are none of these and just don’t like how we look, wouldn’t a more powerful question be: “Why am I so dependent on what others think of my appearance?”
Promoting body insecurity sells products that promise us the illusion of popularity and admiration. In reality, the only thing that really lasts – and is likely to improve as you age – is your mental health. Physically, we all age, and eventually die. This is part of the natural rhythm of life. We can fight it for a while, but none of us gets out of here alive, and few of us do it looking “fresh” and youthful.
Hoping to achieve the perfect face and body is like going on a trip knowing we will never get to the destination. There is no real “perfection” out there, and even if we somehow manage to get there, it’s temporary. Today’s fashion model (our alleged cultural ideal) is typically passé in a few years. If the image of the perfect man/woman doesn’t change, you can’t sell new products (clothes, skin care, cosmetics, hair color, etc.) so the ideal standard of beauty is constantly in motion…and the consumer product industry is always on the outlook for new things to sell us.
So, is it wrong to want to look and feel younger? NO - I am not saying it’s wrong, I am just asking us all to take a serious look at the motivating factors and perhaps replace that question with two more practical questions:
“Will this really make me feel better about whom I am?” and “if it does, is this temporary or will it last?”
In the end nothing is more attractive than a person who is truly happy and secure and comfortable with themselves. When you have happiness with self and joy in your heart you bring it out in others and that is the most beautiful thing of all.
